I have spent alot of time contemplating my purpose in life, chasing it, changing it, worrying about it.  It used to be a source of tension in my life.  What am I meant to do?  What is my calling? It felt like an important, and yet elusive aspect of my life.  I even went so far as to quit my unfulfilling corporate job and move halfway across the country to follow my calling.  Only when I got there, I felt fulfilled for a short time before I began to notice the problems with what I had thought would be my perfect purpose and job.  How did this happen?  Disillusioned, I began seeking answers.  Fortunately, I found them.

I discovered that there is an inner purpose and outer purpose to my life. The inner purpose is one all humanity shares – the awakening of consciousness and bringing it forth into this world.  I believe it’s why we’re all here.  Sound too esoteric?  The mind can’t understand this, so it discounts its validity.  But if you’ve ever been completely awed by a sunset, or the birth of your child, you have experienced this awakening.  This inner purpose, to awaken consciousness, means to live fully and completely in the present moment and aligned with life.  Most of us may have flashes of this, but to live in it fully is quite rare.
 
While I was living halfway across the country, I experienced an radical awakening and lived in this state for about 2 weeks.  It was the most peaceful and happiest I’ve ever been in my life, and it radically changed how I view life.  Things that used to seem very important to me no longer do (having a lot of money, people understanding or agreeing with me, people doing what I think they should do, feeling unique or important, being successful in the eyes of the world).  Gradually, this state began to fade into the background of my life as I eased back into the game of life.

My outer purpose is the dance, the playing of the game of life.  I don’t take it so seriously anymore, and I try to hold it loosely even as I am pursuing my current desire or intention. At times I still struggle, when I try to lead the dance, instead of letting it lead me.  Those are the times when I know I’ve lost sight of my inner purpose and need to step out of the world and into silence and stillness to regain my balance. Even knowing that, sometimes I still struggle anyway.

Life is experienced much differently now. There is much more ease, lightness, joy, and openness in what I experience. I can appreciate the smallest things and I do.  As we pack up all our belongings and move to Brazil, I wonder what the Universe has in store for me.  I have no idea, and don’t feel attached to anything specific, which surprises and yet comforts me.  I am not excited, but curious.  This ride is certainly fascinating…