3 Ways to Choose Sanity


Since moving to Brazil, I have had many opportunities to test and sometimes re-learn my spiritual lessons.  A few years ago, I decided that I did not want to create anymore suffering for myself, and therefore for those around me.  I learned that to accomplish this whenever I found myself in an undesirable situation, I had only 3 sane choices: accept it, change it, or leave it.  Anything else (complaining, worrying, and any other form of negativity) only poisoned my own inner space which was then reflected to those around me. Since then, I have had many opportunities to practice this approach and have made each of these choices more than once:
  1. Accept it – this is where I always begin. Can I accept this situation and stop resisting the reality of what already is?  Much of our suffering is self-created by resisting what already IS.  By accepting what is, I mean treating it as if I had chosen it myself.  Moving to Brazil was NOT my first or even desired choice. But it was clear that we were supposed to come here, so I chose to accept it as if I had chosen it.  On bad days, I remind myself that I know I am SUPPOSED to be here – maybe not why yet, but I embrace this choice as my own. And I often find that when I can truly accept a situation, things have a way of getting better. This alone has made my life immeasurably better.
  2. Change it – If I can’t accept the situation, my next choice is to try to change it, without complaining.  This means addressing the situation with whomever I need to, respectfully.  For example, I have been taking Portuguese lessons for over 6 months and found that recently I was dreading going to my lessons 3 times per week.  I realized that somehow they weren’t working for me, so I had a conversation with my instructor to help me determine what wasn’t working for me and we changed the format of my lessons to meet my evolving needs. 
  3. Leave it – finally, if I can’t accept or change the situation, I leave it, apologetically. For me, it is better than staying in negativity that I am not able to let go of.  By the time I reach this stage, I know I have done my best and that leaving is the best option for me.  I take responsibility for my one precious life and my inner space by saying a gracious NO. When I quit my job in California to return home to Michigan, this was where my decision came from. I spoke what was true for me, tried my best to minimize suffering of those involved, and left in peace and complete clarity.
The knowledge of these 3 choices is powerful. Without it, we can feel lost, adrift, or in a downward spiral of negativity when things don’t happen the way we want them to. And I do believe that reducing my own suffering has a major impact on those around me, for when I am suffering I have little capacity to be empathetic, generous, and present with others. 

Posted by Stephanie at Friday, October 14, 2011 1:20 PM
Categories: Relaxation, Happiness
Tags: peace acceptance clarity spirituality
 

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